I just got off the phone with this girl from a rehab center. And let me tell you, this was the craziest conversation I've had in years. First words spoken, she says to me, "Happy Birthday!" And I had no idea what to say. My birthday was in May. I think the only words I said in this conversation were either, "Oh really, I see, interesting, and thanks" I swear to God, my brain was literally trying not to combust during this phonecall. Words were being spoken so fast and earnestly that I forget what the phonecall was for. Then, clear out of the blue, she asks me,
"How old are you?
I gathered my wits and slowly replied,
"Seventeen."
My answer seemed to totally surprise her. Apparently, she thought I was atleast twenty-five years of age. What made my stomach sink through my bowels was that she sounded "interested" in me. "Dear God," I thought, "What the fuck have I got myself into?"
The phonecall continued for a while, and her tone of voice was audibly changing into, hell if I know, interest? Pleasure? I forget the word. All I know is that she wanted something more than a donation from me. I hastily began to think of a plan to get my stupid-fucking-ass out of this situation. But instead of doing that, my lips refused this thought, and released, "Do you take volunteers?"
HOLY CHRIST CHRIS KIM, ARE YOU BATSHIT INSANE!?
I nearly banged my head against the wooden table in front of me for my unbelievable blunder. Thus the conversation lasted for another GREAT fifteen-minutes. I couldn't help but cringe when she said she'd give me a ring tomorrow and hoped to have "coffee" with me some time. As I hung up, I slapped myself in the forehead, and grabbed the nearest liquor bottle available.