Oh Dear Lord, where do I begin?. How do I approach such a task, of reviewing such a monstrosity.. Straight from the get go, when I heard about this movie being made I thought to myself, its gonna be a piece of shit. But even with my expectations lowered to as low as possible, this thing,? this ?movie? was unwatchable at best.
Even by hollywoods standards, this is a new low in lameness and bad movie making. I cringed so much my face has permanent wrinkles at this young age.
Everything about this movie sucked, this should be used as a manual to movie makers about how NOT to make a movie. Anyway, here goes:
This 90 million dollar piece of shit starts by introducing us to this insecure geeky design chick Patience Phillips (halle berry) who will no doubt be some confidant super hero and kick major ass, I mean all geeks are really super hero?s inside waiting to break out?.*cough* spiderman *cough* . She learns the company she?s working for is evil (cosmetics what can you expect) and ?she sees too much? of their evil plot and must naturally be killed, which in this case is being flushed out of a huge waterpipe. That is followed by a fucked up sequence which, I think (its hard to tell) involves a cat giving her mouth to mouth and her waking up with ?powers?. This is where it goes from bad to outright painful.
There are a whole heap of useless sequences thrown in here just to show us shes becoming a cat, just in case we are to fucking thick to get it already, the part where shes eating tins of tuna, the sushi bar where she keeps scoffing down fish, do I need to go on? The Action sequences are constantly cut 1 second shots that give the viewer motion sickness and no idea what the fuck is actually going on.
Sharon Stone plays the baddie, remember her? Yeah well this must be the final nail in her coffin in regards to her career. Honestly this film is an embarrassment to all where were involved, I wouldn?t want my name anywhere near this thing.
And the soundtrack, oh my. They play these retarded hip hop beats throughout this crapper that just make me want to kill the closest person next to me. Like I said, they couldn?t get anything right in this movie. This script must be the worst written thing ever to be pathetically played out by actors, I truly felt sorry for them. So many bad, bad lines, like when she walks up to the bar to order a drink, she says ?a white Russian, hold the ice, hold the vodka, and no kahlua? I mean just asking for milk wouldn?t be cool enough.
I couldn?t tell you what happens at the end, cause I left. In every scene I wanted her to die, and end this torture, but what are the odds of that, so I figured id save my senses the pain. As I read one person say, its soooo bad I almost recommend it, just to show you how bad it is and we can laugh at it together. At one stage, a girl was laughing out so loud at one of the parts I couldn?t contain myself either and joined in.
This is one of the worst films I have ever seen. So much so I have to alter my rating system for it.
this thing should only be screened in an abu gharib torture chambre
-3 <---- Catwoman
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0 - Ive had more fun being circumcised
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10 - Awesome, must see or your life is only half lived