Optis review of Catwoman

OptiCaL
Posts: 110
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 5:19 am

Post by OptiCaL »


Oh Dear Lord, where do I begin?. How do I approach such a task, of reviewing such a monstrosity.. Straight from the get go, when I heard about this movie being made I thought to myself, its gonna be a piece of shit. But even with my expectations lowered to as low as possible, this thing,? this ?movie? was unwatchable at best.


Even by hollywoods standards, this is a new low in lameness and bad movie making. I cringed so much my face has permanent wrinkles at this young age.


Everything about this movie sucked, this should be used as a manual to movie makers about how NOT to make a movie. Anyway, here goes:


This 90 million dollar piece of shit starts by introducing us to this insecure geeky design chick Patience Phillips (halle berry) who will no doubt be some confidant super hero and kick major ass, I mean all geeks are really super hero?s inside waiting to break out?.*cough* spiderman *cough* . She learns the company she?s working for is evil (cosmetics what can you expect) and ?she sees too much? of their evil plot and must naturally be killed, which in this case is being flushed out of a huge waterpipe. That is followed by a fucked up sequence which, I think (its hard to tell) involves a cat giving her mouth to mouth and her waking up with ?powers?. This is where it goes from bad to outright painful.


There are a whole heap of useless sequences thrown in here just to show us shes becoming a cat, just in case we are to fucking thick to get it already, the part where shes eating tins of tuna, the sushi bar where she keeps scoffing down fish, do I need to go on? The Action sequences are constantly cut 1 second shots that give the viewer motion sickness and no idea what the fuck is actually going on.


Sharon Stone plays the baddie, remember her? Yeah well this must be the final nail in her coffin in regards to her career. Honestly this film is an embarrassment to all where were involved, I wouldn?t want my name anywhere near this thing.


And the soundtrack, oh my. They play these retarded hip hop beats throughout this crapper that just make me want to kill the closest person next to me. Like I said, they couldn?t get anything right in this movie. This script must be the worst written thing ever to be pathetically played out by actors, I truly felt sorry for them. So many bad, bad lines, like when she walks up to the bar to order a drink, she says ?a white Russian, hold the ice, hold the vodka, and no kahlua? I mean just asking for milk wouldn?t be cool enough.


I couldn?t tell you what happens at the end, cause I left. In every scene I wanted her to die, and end this torture, but what are the odds of that, so I figured id save my senses the pain. As I read one person say, its soooo bad I almost recommend it, just to show you how bad it is and we can laugh at it together. At one stage, a girl was laughing out so loud at one of the parts I couldn?t contain myself either and joined in.


 


This is one of the worst films I have ever seen. So much so I have to alter my rating system for it.


 


 


 


this thing should only be screened in an abu gharib torture chambre


-3 <---- Catwoman


-2


-1


0 - Ive had more fun being circumcised


1


2


3


4


5


6


7


8


9


10 - Awesome, must see or your life is only half lived


mr_lee
Posts: 882
Joined: Tue Aug 28, 2001 12:04 am

Post by mr_lee »


haha awesome opti. that rocked me. what a fucking joke.


 


btw fku bringit i deleted your post.


Brangut
Posts: 72
Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2001 3:49 pm

Post by Brangut »


haha awesome opti. that rocked me. what a fucking joke.

 


btw fku bringit i deleted your post.



i'm a stupid fucking white-bread cracka moonshine distiller all from the handy location of my trailer. i'm such a fuckwit i even frighten myself...


l0bstar
Posts: 372
Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2002 3:41 am

Post by l0bstar »

hey guys i'm really cool! cool like [RAINBOW-SIX]BringIt!

Kungfubar
Posts: 661
Joined: Sat Apr 20, 2002 1:23 pm

Post by Kungfubar »

hahaha I'm so glad now I went to see Manchurian Canditate and Harold & Kumar instead of sneaking into that with my friends

Cubensis
Posts: 313
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2003 9:53 pm

Post by Cubensis »

thanks for the heads up, but did Halle look hot?

NebZ
Posts: 349
Joined: Wed Jul 03, 2002 9:36 am

Post by NebZ »


thanks for the heads up, but did Halle look hot?

No.


Beyonder
Posts: 686
Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2001 8:55 am

Post by Beyonder »

Your post was way more entertaining than that movie I bet, and a lot cheaper too! :o

Beyonder
Posts: 686
Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2001 8:55 am

Post by Beyonder »

ps if you wonder where the views came from, I linked this beautiful piece on teamliquid.net ^^

OptiCaL
Posts: 110
Joined: Fri Apr 19, 2002 5:19 am

Post by OptiCaL »


ps if you wonder where the views came from, I linked this beautiful piece on teamliquid.net ^^

hihih :), spread the warning ;)


Locked